Pooh Propulsion

Our story begins when Lauren, was in the middle of feeding our precious babe around 4:30 am. She found herself laying in bed, content with life and its proceedings, as our child had been sleeping very nicely over the past 2 nights, in between the feedings every 3 hours. "Surely nothing can dampen this euphoric feeling," she thought. Alas, the sound of poo did just that. Not to worry!! Pampers have not yet failed her and surely they would withstand even the bravest attempt to fling fecal matter onto mother. She decided to burp our little Ava and wait a short while, to provide insurance that said bowel movement was complete and removal of poo was deemed safe. She put our little princess onto the changing pad on the floor and began removing her diaper some 20 minutes after the first tremors shook her lap. She had scarcely pulled away the diaper when the sound of an intense rushing wind through violently flapping bum cheeks filled the night air. In a panic, she tore at the soiled diaper in an attempt to use it as a shield from the flying crap shrapnel. Too slow. Yellow poop flew like wild shotgun pellets, which found their way onto her shirt, sweatpants, overhanging hair, and carpet slightly to her left and right 2-3 feet from the war cannon it burst from. Screams shook the night sky, as Jacob jumped from his bed, searching for his nunchuku to defend his family from whatever foe caused such a stir. The distraction was enough to delay Lauren's reflexes yet a second time, as the final wave of flying mustard projectiles found their way onto her betrayed arms and hands. Had it truly been war, Lauren would have been no more whole than a slice of swiss cheese in front of a mexican firing squad. Instead, she sat there...dejected, covered in pooh...looking at my precious little princess who, unbelievably, was not propelled into the closet by the sheer force of the wind's exit. The picture above is the discolored water the clothing has been soaking in. May we never be so vain as to underestimate the power of a well-fed baby again.