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11 years ago
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Self eye-gouging
I thought I was a patient person up until recently. Lauren and I have figured out a system which has worked pretty well, and allows each individual to remain in the precious bed without having to stray from its warmth a couple nights a week. Lauren gets up during the night with the banshee screaming child Monday - Thursday, and I take Friday - Sunday. All of you who are like, "Hey, Jacob only has 3 days and Lauren has 4!"...I get up at 5:50 for work so back off demons!! Anyway, a my turn had come during the weekend and we had stayed up super late as usual because we are dumb and will never learn. It was probably around midnight when we finally got to bed, and Ava decided that she wanted a snack at 1am. So I got up and warmed her up a bottle and fed her. Right after I had finished and put her back down, she started fussing, which required me to stay up longer and console her. When she finally settled down and went to sleep, I got a good hour in before she decided that her nightly ritual of dropping a dump truck size poo (consistency of yellow snot) was due. At this point, my patience is wearing thin, and baby feces is not making it better. I got up to change her, but decided it would be better to make sure she was finished. 10 minutes after the sound of explosions had ceased, I figured it would be safe to address the problem. The sound of a crying baby filled my ears, and my left eye and ear started to twitch. Hair stood on end and teeth were grinding fiercely. I opened the poo soaked diaper and prepared to wipe. Scarcely had my hand gotten 1 inch from the barrel of the gun, when an explosion of grainy yellow nast was blown on my hand and all up my forearm. Unable to hold it back, a warrior yell of anguish and unbearable ticked-off-ness was bellowed through the night sky. This woke Lauren up in time to see red eyes and steaming ears in the darkness. "Step away from the child", she said. "You better let me finish." I backed off, eye-gouging myself from my unknown impatience. Apparently, I'm not a nice person at 3am.
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4 comments:
ha ha...that's ok, I'm not very patient at that time either...especially after you've already been up a few times. That's when my little pat on their back usually starts to get a little harder than just a pat...and that's when we switch turns :D ha ha, can't wait to start all over with that again. Fun fun
Don't feel bad Jake. I don't know many parents who are patient at all hours of the night.
i bust a gut with every post of yours! i think Lauren is too quick to bail you out haha!
wait....you guys take turns?? that never happened at my house. cherish those nites you get to stay in your warm bed you two, cuz it could be worse, you could be up everynite for 11 years like me...and now after 4 kids and NO MORE to come, my youngest is 18 months and finally sleeping thru the nite......the exploding poo is the best...ha ha, but thankfully my little poopsters all only had those explosions in the day time!! parenthood is a blast! :)
you two are the best story tellers in the world, i love reading your blog! :)
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